| Joke 1 |
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A Chinese man rings his boss and says: Me sick I cann`t come to work.The Boss says: "when I am sick, I fuck my wife ... try that?"Two hours later the Chinese man rings back and says: "Me better now you got a nice house!"
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| Joke 2 |
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"Dad, whats the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" a young son asks."Look at this," says dad, as he lifts the sheets on his naked sleeping mother, "thats a pussy son.""It's wonderful dad, can I touch it?""No son" says Dad. "If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunt up!"
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| Joke 3 |
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Bono is up on stage with U2 doing a gig at Wembley, when the song finishes he starts to slowly clap his hands and says into the microphone: "Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies!"A voice near the front of the stage shouts to bono in a Irish accent: "Well stop fucking clapping then!"
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| Joke 4 |
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"Mommy, Mommy! I don't want any more hamburger!""Shut up and stick your arms back into the meat grinder."
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| Joke 5 |
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A very shy guy goes into a nightclub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "Two-hundred dollars? What do you mean $200?!
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| Joke 6 |
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Married men live longer than a single men, but married men are lot more willing to die!
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| Joke 7 |
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.
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| Joke 8 |
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Gwen met Randy at a nightclub. They hit it off, so she invited him back to her place. When they arrived at her house, they went right for the bedroom.Randy noticed hundreds of stuffed animals scattered throughout the room. Giant stuffed animals sat on top of the wardrobe. Slightly smaller stuffed animals sat on the window sill. Many tiny stuffed animals sat on the bottom shelf of her bookcase.After they had sex, Randy turned to her and said, "So ... how was I?""Well," Gwen said, "you can take anything from the bottom shelf."
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| Joke 9 |
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A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face."Ouch!" the Chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the Jewish man sits back down.Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the Chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
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| Joke 10 |
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Why were males created before females?Because you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
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